{"id":975,"date":"2017-02-21T20:28:10","date_gmt":"2017-02-21T20:28:10","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/ultalife.co\/blog\/?p=975"},"modified":"2017-02-22T20:40:32","modified_gmt":"2017-02-22T20:40:32","slug":"become-a-better-listener-active-listening","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/ultalife.co\/blog\/become-a-better-listener-active-listening\/","title":{"rendered":"Become a Better Listener: Active Listening"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Most people go through their daily lives engaging in many conversations with friends, co-\"\"<\/a>workers, and our family members. But most of the time, we don\u2019t listen as well as we could or sometimes should. We\u2019re often distracted by other things in the environment,\u00a0such as the television, the Internet, our cell phones, or something else. We think we\u2019re listening to the other person, but we\u2019re really not giving them our full attention.<\/div>\n
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Enter a skill called \u201cactive listening.\u201d Active listening is all about building rapport, understanding, and trust. By learning the skills below, you will become a better listener and actually hear what the other person is saying, not just want you think they are saying or what you want to hear. While therapists are often made fun of for engaging in active listening, it is a proven technique that helps people talk and feel free to continue talking even if the person they are talking to doesn\u2019t have a lot to offer the other person (other than their ear).<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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Are you as good a listener as you think you are?<\/p>\n

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13 Steps to Better Active Listening Skills<\/strong><\/p>\n

Below you will find 13 different skills that help people be better active listeners. You do not have to become adept at each of these skills to be a good active listener, but the more you do, the better you\u2019ll be. If you even just use 3 or 4 of these skills, you will find yourself listening and hearing more of what another person is saying to you.<\/p>\n

1. Restating<\/strong><\/p>\n

To show you are listening, repeat every so often what you think the person said \u2014 not by parroting, but by paraphrasing what you heard in your own words. For example, \u201cLet\u2019s see if I\u2019m clear about this. . .\u201d<\/p>\n

2. Summarizing<\/strong><\/p>\n

Bring together the facts and pieces of the problem to check understanding \u2014 for example, \u201cSo it sounds to me as if . . .\u201d Or, \u201cIs that it?\u201d<\/p>\n

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3. Minimal encouragers<\/strong><\/p>\n

Use brief, positive prompts to keep the conversation going and show you are listening \u2014 for example, \u201cumm-hmmm,\u201d \u201cOh?\u201d \u201cI understand,\u201d \u201cThen?\u201d \u201cAnd?\u201d<\/p>\n

4. Reflecting<\/strong><\/p>\n

Instead of just repeating, reflect the speaker\u2019s words in terms of feelings \u2014 for example, \u201cThis seems really important to you. . .\u201d<\/p>\n

5. Giving feedback<\/strong><\/p>\n

Let the person know what your initial thoughts are on the situation. Share pertinent information, observations, insights, and experiences. Then listen carefully to confirm.<\/p>\n

6. Emotion labeling<\/strong><\/p>\n

Putting feelings into words will often help a person to see things more objectively. To help the person begin, use \u201cdoor openers\u201d \u2014 for example, \u201cI\u2019m sensing that you\u2019re feeling frustrated. . . worried. . . anxious. . .\u201d<\/p>\n

7. Probing<\/strong><\/p>\n

Ask questions to draw the person out and get deeper and more meaningful information \u2014 for example, \u201cWhat do you think would happen if you. . .?\u201d<\/p>\n

8. Validation<\/strong><\/p>\n

Acknowledge the individual\u2019s problems, issues, and feelings. Listen openly and with empathy, and respond in an interested way \u2014 for example, \u201cI appreciate your willingness to talk about such a difficult issue. . .\u201d<\/p>\n

9. Effective pause<\/strong><\/p>\n

Deliberately pause at key points for emphasis. This will tell the person you are saying something that is very important to them.<\/p>\n

10. Silence<\/strong><\/p>\n

Allow for comfortable silences to slow down the exchange. Give a person time to think as well as
\ntalk. Silence can also be very helpful in diffusing an unproductive interaction.<\/p>\n

11. \u201cI\u201d messages<\/strong><\/p>\n

By using \u201cI\u201d in your statements, you focus on the problem not the person. An I-message lets the person know what you feel and why \u2014 for example, \u201cI know you have a lot to say, but I need to. . .\u201d<\/p>\n

12. Redirecting<\/strong><\/p>\n

If someone is showing signs of being overly aggressive, agitated, or angry, this is the time to shift the discussion to another topic.<\/p>\n

13. Consequences<\/strong><\/p>\n

Part of the feedback may involve talking about the possible consequences of inaction. Take your cues from what the person is saying \u2014 for example, \u201cWhat happened the last time you stopped taking the medicine your doctor prescribed?\u201d<\/p>\n

7 Communication Blockers<\/h3>\n

These roadblocks<\/a> to communication can stop communication dead in its tracks:<\/p>\n

1. \u201cWhy\u201d questions. They tend to make people defensive.
\n2. Quick reassurance, saying things like, \u201cDon\u2019t worry about that.\u201d
\n3. Advising \u2014 \u201cI think the best thing for you is to move to assisted living.\u201d
\n4. Digging for information and forcing someone to talk about something they would rather not talk about.
\n5. Patronizing \u2014 \u201cYou poor thing, I know just how you feel.\u201d
\n6. Preaching \u2014 \u201cYou should. . .\u201d Or, \u201cYou shouldn\u2019t. . .\u201d
\n7. Interrupting \u2014 Shows you aren\u2019t interested in what someone is saying.<\/p>\n

5 Simple Conversation Courtesies<\/h3>\n

1. \u201cExcuse me\u2026\u201d
\n2. \u201cPardon me\u2026.\u201d
\n3. \u201cOne moment please\u2026\u201d
\n4. \u201cLet\u2019s talk about solutions.\u201d
\n5. \u201cMay I suggest something?\u201d<\/p>\n

The Art of Questioning<\/h3>\n

The four main types of questions are:<\/p>\n

1. Leading Questions<\/strong><\/p>\n

For example, \u201cWould you like to talk about it?\u201d \u201cWhat happened then?\u201d Could you tell me more?\u201d<\/p>\n

2. Open-ended Questions<\/strong><\/p>\n

Use open-ended questions to expand the discussion \u2014 for example, lead with: \u201cHow? What? Where? Who? Which?\u201d<\/p>\n

3. Closed-ended Questions<\/strong><\/p>\n

Use closed ended questions to prompt for specifics \u2014 for example, lead with: \u201cIs? Are? Do? Did? Can? Could? Would?\u201d<\/p>\n

4. Reflective Questions<\/strong><\/p>\n

Can help people understand more about what they said \u2014 for example, someone tells you, \u201cI\u2019m worried I won\u2019t remember. . . \u201d Reflective Q: \u201cIt sounds like you would like some help remembering?\u201d<\/p>\n

Source: National Aging Information & Referral Support Center<\/p>\n

From PsychCentral<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Most people go through their daily lives engaging in many conversations with friends, co-workers, and our family members. But most of the time, we don\u2019t listen as well as we could or sometimes should. We\u2019re often distracted by other things in the environment,\u00a0such as the television, the Internet, our cell phones, or something else. We … Continue reading Become a Better Listener: Active Listening<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[11,8,1],"tags":[32,159,185,162],"class_list":["post-975","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-habits-of-success","category-happiness","category-uncategorized","tag-happiness","tag-motivation","tag-selfimprovement","tag-success"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/ultalife.co\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/975","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/ultalife.co\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/ultalife.co\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ultalife.co\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ultalife.co\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=975"}],"version-history":[{"count":10,"href":"https:\/\/ultalife.co\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/975\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":998,"href":"https:\/\/ultalife.co\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/975\/revisions\/998"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/ultalife.co\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=975"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ultalife.co\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=975"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ultalife.co\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=975"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}